Do you want to get married?

"Do you want to get married?"

That question is definitely in my top 5 of questions I hate. I hate when people ask me that because they always ask with an attitude that implies- I have already decided that you don't want to get married but I will ask you anyway.

Yes. Yes, I want to get married. In fact I can't wait to wake up to my husband every day and have someone to talk to every night. I can't wait until someone loves me for me, even when I'm being a crazy bi-atch or when I'm mad at something or when I'm overly excited about something dumb. I can't wait to be in love.

However, I have other things to worry about right now. At this point in my life I have other things that are of slightly more importance to me. Why do people assume that because I'm not crying in my room every night about my age and my lack of boyfriends that I don't want to be married? Do I have to do the mandatory -oh woe is me, I'm not married-every time I get together with friends? HELL-to-the-NO. In fact, I do talk about marriage. Sometimes. But I'm not depressed about it. I'm not counting the number of useful eggs I have left. I'm not worried about my age. Yes, I want a career. Yes, I want a job. Yes, I want those things before marriage. I guess I'm sorry, but I also don't owe the world an apology. I actually enjoy talking about my future hubby, but I'd rather talk about him with my best friend than anyone else. I probably just don't talk about those things with you. I'd rather talk about those kinds of things with people who understand why I am not in a rush than talk about it with people who make me feel like I owe them some kind of explanation.

So, until I can wake up in bed with my husband every morning, I'll just enjoy the sleepovers with my best friends. I'll enjoy the conversations that we have in the middle of the night about the boys we like,the things we want to do, our future husbands, our fears, our insecurities, and our lives because when I am married, I am sure I will miss those things.

Instead of trying to make me feel like I'm missing something, why don't you encourage me to appreciate what I have right now?

In other words, Stop Asking Me.

If I want to make it rain, Imma make it rain.

I'm just putting in a plug for one of my new shows-Perfect Couples. So far there are about 9 episodes and since the show has been cancelled there will only ever be about 11 episodes. Go ahead and waste some time on your Hulu queue and enjoy a couple of chuckles.

You're welcome.

Here's a little preview to leave you all wanting some more!!

P.S. While you check those out go ahead and start watching Mr. Sunshine (Hilarious) and Off The Map (So emotional ). I'd love to actually have people to talk about these shows with. :-) To my knowledge these shows haven't been cancelled but they are both still in the first half of their first seasons.

A Year Ago

Today is just one of THOSE days.

And it's all because of SUMMER.-I can't figure out what to do for it.

The truth is I woke up feeling like this yesterday. I had had nightmares all night so I was anxious and flustered as soon as I woke up. Before I got ready for church, I said my prayers and asked for some comfort and asked for answers, or a little guidance... SOMETHING.

Obviously, I didn't get the answer I wanted. I didn't get a voice that said " Natalia, you should just take classes, or Natalia, just pick up and move to DC for the summer, or even "Natalia, just go to NJ. You know you love it." But I did get this-I got lots and lots of talks about how people can take comfort in knowing their purpose. How people should be comforted because they know what they want in life and as long as you know the major overall plan you can rearrange the details however many times you want. If you know what you want you will eventually get there. The real problem is not knowing what you want and wasting important time with which you could be doing something.*** So of course my first thoughts were: Do I know my purpose? Do I really know what I am doing right now? Do I even really want this? Can I handle another year in Provo?

The answer is YES.

Yes, I know what I am doing. Yes, I am getting my second degree in accounting. Yes, I legitimately want to be doing this. No, I do not know what I am doing for the summer but yes, I know what I am doing in life. Yes, I can handle one more year in Provo. My life and my plans have changed so much from a year ago that sometimes I can't believe I am the same person.

A year ago....

I was crying because I thought that my 23rd birthday was the worst birthday ever. Since then I've had one of the best birthdays ever.

A year ago.....

I was trying to decide if I should go back to school or not.

A year ago....

I had never been to the San Diego Zoo, I hadn't been on Rodeo Drive, I hadn't seen the Beverly Hills sign or the famous Hollywood sign, or taken the cheesy tell-tale tourist pictures on the Hollywood Walk of Fame stars, I hadn't eaten at Sprinkles, I'd never tasted Persian food in SoCal, or spent another bomb day hanging out in San Diego and I got to do those things with Janelle because I decided to come back to Utah.

A Year Ago....

I wasn't as close to my brother and my sister as I am now. They've seen me at my lowest and will always be there for me. I love them for it.

A Year Ago....

I didn't think I was strong enough to spend the entire summer in Utah because I didn't really have any friends left. I now have a lot more friends and it really wouldn't be the worst thing in the entire world if I spent the summer with them working 20 hours a week and having bonfires, and camping, and swimming and hiking. Just enjoying my life.

A Year Ago...

I hadn't been to Cabo, or Mazatlan, or Puerto Vallarta. I hadn't snuba'd and damn near died of an anxiety attack underwater in Cabo. I hadn't ridden horses on the beach in Puerto Vallarta while the sun was setting. I hadn't even ridden a couple miles up the PCH with my bestest, Babsies while we made sure every window was down and the sunroof was open so we could jam out to every silly pop song on the radio at the top of our lungs and in those exact moments, we LOVED OUR LIVES. I was able to do those things because I made the decision to be in Utah. Those opportunities would not have been there had I left.

A Year Ago....

I hadn't decided in the course of a couple hours that I was riding to Idaho at 5 in the morning to go to a wedding with Babs. I hadn't spent a long weekend in AZ hanging out with Rachelle and spent 4 days and 3 nights hiking around Havasupai with Dane. I hadn't even had the chance to make Dane listen to LoveGame by Gaga over and over for 2 hours because it's the only song that keeps me awak. Better yet, I'd never ridden in a helicopter through the Grand Canyon. An overall magical experience if there ever was one. ( I encourage everyone to do it at least once).

A Year Ago....

I didn't appreciate my friends as much as I do now. Stephen who somehow managed to come to Utah 4 times this year even though his usual quota is 2 visits per year. And I know a lot of it had to do with the fact he was worried about me. Babs who recognized that I was an emotional wreck and called to check in whenever she felt the prompting and managed to see me once a month from July- November even though I hadn't seen her at all really since she graduated. Janelle who lets me call her even when I'm mid-sob because I always think she's the only one who can understand me through my tears and who has always had more confidence and faith in me than anyone else. Dane who let me cry 75% of the car ride on the way to Havasupai because I just had to talk about my life plans one more time to make sure that it's what I wanted. Kristina who always keeps track of what my life plans are and even the deadlines for internships I am thinking of applying too. Liane, who took time out of her busy mommy life to worry about me this summer and talk to me and help me through each decision. Emily, who's done more and been through more with me than this one sentence could convey. But, just always ends up being there for me when I need it. (You maybe deserve your own blog post. One day you'll get it.)

Lastly, A Year Ago....

I had 2 years left for an accounting and now I have 1 year/11 classes left.

A year ago my heavenly father tested and tried me so that I almost didn't recognize who I was anymore. I cried and cried because life hadn't turned out the way I wanted it. In this past year I've been blessed with experiences, people, and opportunities that have been better than I could have ever imagined.My heavenly father showed me that it's okay not to know every detail and that sometimes things work out better than you'd hope for. So NO, I don't live in downtown LA and enjoy the worlds best nightlife.I don't live in NYC with all the fabulous people. I don't live in DC and ride the metro and see monuments everyday. I live in Provo where BYU is, where my brother and my sister are, where people have 30 minute dance parties and bake each other cookies to show they are interested. I live in Provo, UT and I will be here until I graduate and it's only one more year, and it's not the world's worst thing. And if I don't know what I am doing for the summer it's okay.

* **I'd like to point out that this is only in my opinion. There are some people who feel perfectly comfortable not knowing what they want and feel perfectly comfortable taking a long time to figure it out. I WISH I could be like those people.

Drop Dead Beautiful

Like most Britney fans I can barely control my joy at the thought of jamming out to her new cd all summer. A new Britney and a new Gaga less than 2 months from each other? Pure ecstasy!

Sadly, I haven't had the pleasure of listening to any of Gaga's new leaks. I'm assuming they have those tracks under tighter lockdown than the crown jewels. But, I have been streaming Brit's newest tracks and thought I'd share my two most favorites.

I'm obsessed.

Haus of Gaga

Halfway through, sweaty wig and all.

Concert was over. Wig was off, but I kept it on till the end.

Proud little monster.

Everyone and their mom knows how much I love Gaga.

She was in SLC this past weekend. Stephen took me for my birthday. It was AMAZING.

You can tell by my outfit I was committed to the cause. I walk the walk. Haha

Just so you know, it was freezing and there was a slight snowfall when I threw my coat off to take the picture by Mother Monster's tour bus! Bahahahahah (Yes, Mother Monster.)

Megan talked a big game but then decided against it....Maybe next time. lol

My Problem with Blogs

A couple of you have asked why I never update my blog and usually I say ," I don't have anything for people to look at and nothing I want to say."

I lied.

Of course, I have something to say! I always have something to say. (Do you people know me?!!)

However, I don't post on my blog because I feel like my posts wouldn't be very honest or real. Don't ask me why, but in the past I've felt this incredible pressure to post only cool things like: my vacays or concerts I went to, or day trips I've taken.

I HATE that feeling.

I want to be able to blog about everything. I want to blog about my good days, my bad days, my I'm-so-fat-today days, and my I-feel-hot-today days. If I am having a sucky week I want to be able to blog about it. Not because I want sympathy or am looking for kindness but because, it's my life- it's what's happening.

So,This is a new era for my blog. I promise to blog more consistently. I promise to always blog about what I want to and not what I think will entertain you. Lastly, I promise to do whatever the hell I want, because it's my blog.