Man up

In less than 2 days I have finally realized, I cry a lot. Maybe too much. Who knew?? I mean, all my friends knew. But I sure didn't.

And this is how the realization came to me.

***pick up phone-call Amber***

Amber: Hey, what's up

Nat: nothing, I was just calling to tell you that you're a great friend.

Amber: Thanks Nat, that's sweet. What made you say that?

Nat: welllll... **voice shakes**... I was just thinking you know. You never make me feel like I am not important just cz I don't live in Jersey, and every time we talk I still feel like we are best friends.. and I just....**tears** I'm just so grateful cz not everyone is like that. And I like that I can call you and still talk to you about everything...and.....I just***more tears****

Amber: NATTTTTTT. Why are you crying!!??

Nat: I can't help it!!

Amber: Oh my goshhhhh. I can't.

Nat: well f**k you!

Amber: Well, at least you aren't crying anymore.

AHAHAHAHA. Any type of emotion makes Amber uncomfortable. But she's right. All that crying wasn't called for!!

2nd time I realized:

This morning I called Em because I had a nightmare that she was in a car crash. She called me back and told me she was okay and she wasn't in a car crash. After we hung up I had to cry a little bit cz I was so glad she was okay.

LMAO. Seriously, what is wrong with me?? When I think about all the crying I do, I sit back and laugh because I think, why did I cry about that? It's not all like emotional sobbing. A couple tears here and there. But still. I need to man the hell up.

**However, when Im crying cz my feelings are hurt. That's not bad crying or too much crying. That's legitimate. I won't ever try to tone that down.**

Glory Glory Hallelujah

I know that no one probably cares but I am so excited right now. It's 4:15 and it's the first Wednesday since classes first started last August that I can go home at the decent hour of 5 pm!

Free at last, Free at last!! I don't even know what to do. I can finally start going to my dinner groups. I can finally hit the go karts and the batting cages and actually use my pass. Don't get me wrong, there will still be some nights where I stay later doing my homework but I don't have to stay on campus until 8 Monday through Thursday!!!

And in two weeks I get my Tuesday and Thursday nights back! I did consider adding another night class for 2nd block, but after the relief I feel today. Hell to the no. I can actually hang out with my friends and go outside and do things!! I'll just suck it up and take it in the fall.

Thank you Jesus.

I might even go home and go for a freaking jog, that's how alive I feel.

(pause)

Maybe.....

I never did that

So Handro and I were looking at his triathlon medal and just staring and talking. He started making fun of me and said I would never do one because I would never commit. If you know me, you know that I hate when people tell me that I can't or won't do something. So I started getting mad. But then he made a very good point... he said," I'm still waiting for you to do your half-marathon."

That shut me the hell up. Fast.

He's right. I have said I am going to do a half-marathon and I still haven't.

That got me thinking. I hate being that person. I hate being a person who doesn't do what she says she is going to do. I hate flakes. I hate unreliable people. I hate when you have a friend and you can't depend on them. I hate being the person who is always late. I've tried really hard this year to be the kind of person that people can rely on. I like being true to my word. I like that my 3 best friends can call me and they know that if I say I will do something I do it. A big motivator for me is accountability. I don't get mad at people who hold me accountable for the things that come out of my mouth. I like not letting people down and I like committing to a task. I never want people to feel less important/ or not important enough simply because I am a flake. It just ain't nice!

I also have a lot of things that I haven't had the chance to do yet. Things that I say I am going to do but really don't back it up. I'm done with that. From now on I am just going to say things that I really feel like I can back up or at least am totally considering backing up. Of course there will sometimes be some uncertain circumstances. But most of the time I find that I can handle uncertainties with a little bit of better planning. I don't want to grow up and be the person who says," You know what, I always wanted to, but I never did that."

Anyway since I am holding myself accountable (mostly to me, cz I don't know who reads this) here's what I plan on doing/will do at some point this summer:

Beach it up in Jersey

Go to the top of the statue of liberty in NYC

Beach it up in FL

Niagara Falls

Moab with my siblings

Learn to surf/ or at least practice

I am going to learn to dominate at batting cages. This is no joke. I will dominate you.

Here's what I MIGHT do this summer:

SoCal trip with some of my ward friends (we're still working out some scheduling issues plus finding room and board for us!)

Go to the top of Coit Tower in SF

Take a small ride up highway from Santa Cruz to SF

By next Christmas I will have run a half marathon- But I am going to keep it to myself so I don't let myself and other down this time around.

Things I wil do by the time I graduate:

Sky dive

Parasail ( I really really want to learn it!)

There's obviously more things on my bucket list and things I want to do. But for now these are my short-term and mid-term goals.

Only my homies ever know my long, long-term plans. They change so much, I don't share that often.

Here's to being responsible for my actions! I won't let you down. But mostly, I won't let myself down.

The Martinez

So May and June have been very busy for the Martinez family.

Mia graduated preschool!

Handro completed his first triathlon.

Rafi graduated high school

And Felipe moved to Utah last night!!!!!!

(excuse his face, he flew all day)

It was a gong show trying to pick him up from the airport last night. Handro decided to speed at the airport so we got pulled over and it turns out that none of us really have a valid license ( I have one but it's lost). Felipe ended up having to drive us all home. We laughed and chit chatted all the way home. We were all so excited but all trying to play it cool. But he's here now and we're happy and excited to get rolling on all our cool little road trips and to show him the parts of Utah that we love. And I am sure Handro is tired of being the only boy with his sisters.

Bee's Games

I love Bee's games.

I love free Bee's games.

I love free Bee's games with my best friend Stephen.

I love watching free bee's games with Stephen from an executive suite.

I love watching free bee's games with Stephen from an executive suite and all the free concession stand food I want.

Mostly, I love fireworks at Bee's games.

Anyway, a couple years ago I went to my first baseball game ever. I fell in love. I still don't know much about baseball the game but I've enjoyed ever since. And I've come such a long way since that first time when I asked if there was halftime in this game! I love being surrounded by so many people, I love the food, and mostly I love the 7th inning stretch. I am so glad Stephen and I could take some time to do one of my favorite things together. It was a great weekend.

Don't pretend to be a baller

This is what happens when you think you're good at basketball...but you're not. Lol

Did you really just say that??

Some people just say stupid things, they really do.

Anon: Natalia, I wish I could speak spanish like you can.

Me: Yeah, It's a good thing to know.

Anon: So...you weren't raised in Mexico were you?

WTF??? Just because I speak Spanish doesn't mean I am from Mexico.

Just Believe in Yourself

If you hear this on the radio..

We've already said our last goodbye.

She really loves me

How could you not think she's the cutest thing ever?!