Man up

In less than 2 days I have finally realized, I cry a lot. Maybe too much. Who knew?? I mean, all my friends knew. But I sure didn't.

And this is how the realization came to me.

***pick up phone-call Amber***

Amber: Hey, what's up

Nat: nothing, I was just calling to tell you that you're a great friend.

Amber: Thanks Nat, that's sweet. What made you say that?

Nat: welllll... **voice shakes**... I was just thinking you know. You never make me feel like I am not important just cz I don't live in Jersey, and every time we talk I still feel like we are best friends.. and I just....**tears** I'm just so grateful cz not everyone is like that. And I like that I can call you and still talk to you about everything...and.....I just***more tears****

Amber: NATTTTTTT. Why are you crying!!??

Nat: I can't help it!!

Amber: Oh my goshhhhh. I can't.

Nat: well f**k you!

Amber: Well, at least you aren't crying anymore.

AHAHAHAHA. Any type of emotion makes Amber uncomfortable. But she's right. All that crying wasn't called for!!

2nd time I realized:

This morning I called Em because I had a nightmare that she was in a car crash. She called me back and told me she was okay and she wasn't in a car crash. After we hung up I had to cry a little bit cz I was so glad she was okay.

LMAO. Seriously, what is wrong with me?? When I think about all the crying I do, I sit back and laugh because I think, why did I cry about that? It's not all like emotional sobbing. A couple tears here and there. But still. I need to man the hell up.

**However, when Im crying cz my feelings are hurt. That's not bad crying or too much crying. That's legitimate. I won't ever try to tone that down.**